I DON’T KNOW HOW!

I don’t know the path !

I don’t know the way !

I DON’T KNOW !!!!

There is safety in the knowing. 

In the knowing, there is security. There is comfort.

I don’t know about you but for me, the not knowing is stressful. 

I am not comfortable not knowing my path, not being able to see my way through to my goal, to the outcome I want.

All my life I have needed to know. 

I have needed to know because it helped me stay in control, to feel safe. 

Growing up in an environment of emotional unpredictability, I learnt strategies to protect myself - to not stand out, not attract attention, saying yes to stuff for fear of saying no, people pleasing.

And I learnt to keep myself safe by controlling.

I became an accountant, a project manager, a business analyst - disciplines typically involving high degrees of control and certainty.  (Only now, have I learnt how wrong these were for me). 

But life is not like that.

Trying to predict and second-guess the future, never left room for serendipity, chance, providence.  Life unfolds in magical ways, astonishing and beautiful ways that you could never predict.

I could not have imagined how my life has played out for me now, and I could never have predicted, even with a million spreadsheets.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be really comfortable with the not knowing.

And that’s okay.  It HAS to be okay, because the other way never worked for me anyway.

So learning to trust, being okay with the uncertainty and trusting that the future will unfold for the best, as it always has, and always will, that is a BIG step for me.

Letting go of attachment to the What, and the When, and the How – this I have not found easy.

But it’s a different kind of freedom.

I tried to find safety in all the controlling.  Now I look for safety in myself, trusting me & my ability to cope whatever comes.

I always have, and I always will.

And so will you.

I’m not saying it’s going to be comfortable, at least not to start with. 

I have attempted to keep myself safe this way for 60+ years.

It’s time to change, whether uncomfortable or not, because I am here for MORE !

How about you ?

Love Bobbi ❤️

Inspirational speaker | Transformation Coach | Trans Woman