It doesn’t happen to me very often, but it does happen.
So what to do ?
I could be hurt by it, get sad, crawl into a hole, and cry.
I could react with anger – How DARE they!!!
I could ignore it.
Or, I could respond to it.
Because actually, it’s a gift, if I choose to accept it as such.
The things that were said—about me being an embarrassment and entitled, questioning how I could possibly call myself a woman because I haven't done "the hard yards"— well, maybe she's not alone in thinking that.
"You have no right to call yourself a woman."
"You haven’t done the time."
"You haven’t been through a lifetime of crap like I have."
"How dare you… You haven’t earned it!"
She has no idea what it’s taken for me to become who I am, what I’ve had to go through, what it has cost me.
And still, I am "not enough."
Isn’t there already too much "not enoughness" in the world?
Don’t feelings of self-doubt and "not enough" leave most of us constantly feeling inadequate and unworthy?
Lots of trans people, myself included, even wrestle with the notion of "not trans enough" when going down that path.
And so now I have to deal with the notion of "not woman enough."
When will the "not enoughness," and the shaming that goes with it, end?
Look, I didn’t choose to be trans.
No one does.
No one chooses to be lesbian or gay or queer or black or white or have a big nose or big feet.
No one suddenly wakes up one morning and thinks, "Oh, I know what I’ll do, I’ll become a woman."
I never expected this. I never planned it. It just turned out to be my path, and I’ll keep treading it as best I can, and hopefully be of some service to others.
But treading that path, now as a woman, I never pretend to have experiences that I don’t.
And I never pretend to know what it could possibly be like to grow up as a girl into womanhood, navigating a world of patronising attitudes, fears for your own safety, the authority & pay gap, period pain, and the discomfort of being objectified by men.
How could I ever?
I have learned that the experience of being a woman and the paths to womanhood are as varied and individual as each woman is herself. My journey, and the woman and identity I have created, are as unique as every other woman’s journey and identity is to them. And as valid.
There is no competition here. Every woman’s journey is unique, and there should be no competition or hierarchy of experiences.
Do I care what this person thinks?
Not in the slightest.
And I will always fight against negative & bigoted opinions & views of others & affirm everybody’s right to live authentically.
Love Bobbi ❤️
Inspirational speaker | Transformation Coach | Trans Woman | Model
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